Eid, journey of loneliness to blessings!!

 

Eid al-Fitr has its own meaning, the festival or celebration after 1 month of Ramadan that marks the end of patience, kindness, and blessing month. But how come I feel lonely during the peak celebration season?

... اللهُ أَكْبَرُ اللهُ أَكْبَرُ اللهُ أَكْبَرُ وَلِلَّهِ الْحَمْدُ 

Boom, the adrenaline rush right after the sound of Eid Takbeers made me realize of truth while preparing my house to welcome the guests, imagination the distant family whom I met once in a year asking where am I now and which course did I pursue... It is the same question over and over but realizing that they are actually concerned about my life is truly a blessing when they provide me with advice and their experience in life especially their study journey and their career. But most of the empty feeling is not because of the question, it is about leaving Ramadan despite our being here in Malaysia celebrating the month of gratitude while our Muslim friends in Gazan never break their "fast" or celebrate the real winning broke my heart into pieces. How do they celebrate Eid without even having a home, booming everywhere and the kids are not receiving the Eid envelope but receiving bullets to their bodies? 

Allah Almighty, Waking up early to arrange the dishes full of appetizing meals for the guests to eat like various types of Rendang, Prawn Chilli Paste, Serunding cooked by my aunty, and the rival of  Nasi Minyak exclusively made by my mother once a year for the Eid, making sure all the cookies already in the jar and make ready our special drink "Sweet Monk Fruit Longan Drink" that awaiting for the guest to drink delightedly. The real blessing when I think back on the morning of Eid, is people showing their gratitude, lining up to forgive each other, and hugging in the blessing morning makes me feel excited and blessed that we are still eating each other and having an enormous feast. My family never really asks for forgiveness but this Eid shows that everyone is putting their ego behind them and seeking forgiveness no matter who they are or what they did to everyone surrounding them and sharing laughter, and love together for the 8 of us. Every year of raya reminds our 8 siblings of one of the family history where 16 years ago we were unable to celebrate Eid properly due to the missing of our brother in the morning of Eid. He followed some guys to celebrate Eid, visiting the neighbors' house, and suddenly went missing. Our family asked everyone in that hometown did they saw a toddler, likely 3 years old visiting theirs but he was nowhere to be found. My father went to the police station to make the report and we waited at the house asking everyone we could reach. The evening passed and we heard maghrib prayer hoping the police found my brother shockingly my father received a call from an unknown number. He answered the call nervously and someone called stating that he found my brother shocked at the Mydin, 45 minutes from our house. The history will always remain for our family to joke about because that is the only time we never celebrate Eid and whoever visits our house or meets us during Eid will ask about my brother.   

One of the chaotic situations is when my cousin's brother is admitted to the hospital after he plays firecrackers. While everyone in the house having a meal, the kids played the fireworks happily and suddenly rushed out right after hearing the shouting of a grown man. Everyone panicked, the other cousin rushed and took him to the clinic that was 10 minutes from the house and we were waiting for the call from them hoping that he was stable. Unfortunately one of his fingers is unable to save. 

My cousin who is likely my sister is coming back for Eid while she is preparing for the Air Force training waiting to graduate as an officer cadet in 2 months is the most blessing thing. Seeing her 4 years journey struggling despite being an officer cadet and 9 months of forest training operations having an uncertain decision about whether they can celebrate Eid with our family is a huge blessing even if it just only for a short period of Eid after she called that she might not be able to be with us. We bake cookies together which are Batik cake, almond London, and cornflakes. We baked the Batik cake 2 times after the guests complimented the Batik cake was flavorful and they finished it. We take pictures of every corner of the house, mock her makeup because the look she tries is not as she expected, and visit other people's houses together with her new brand car using the allowance money she saved as an officer cadet. My grandmother cried with her lovely smile that she was blessed by Allah and gave my cousin what she has now despite the struggle and unsmooth life of losing her parents when she was a kid. 

I also did visit my friend's house after 2 years of not seeing each other. The last time we met was when we were in high school. We talk a lot and various topics sharing our experiences even though we have shared them on the phone but talking to each other face to face is different. My friend and I went to our teacher's house which taught us Malay when we were in high school. At her house, we meet our old classmates, everyone gathers 

In this blessed month, I really hope that I am being a better person that always grateful to see my family and friends. How about you Eid?